I haven't written in a few days and I've had so much building up inside of me that I need to write before I blew up again. I'm not blowing up like I'm angry, but rather I'm feeling overwhelmed again and it's almost like I can't breathe. Ever feel like that?
I hate that all I can think about is money and my finances. I'm seriously thinking of consolidating my c.c. again and a worst case scenario is to file for bankruptcy. I don't want to do that, but the idea of being able to pay it off in 5 years and have that monkey off my back and actually have some money is very tempting. P of course thinks that I'm just being dramatic and over reacting, but I'm really tired of feeling this way. I want to be fun again. I want to not think about money. I feel guilty about buying lunch or wanting to get my eyebrows waxed. I don't want to live my life like this. And I need to talk to P about this seriously. He just says No. I think he's scared, but we need the financial relief.
I just wish that things weren't so bad. I had such high hopes for this year and everything has been going downhill. I'm praying that things will get better, but I also can't just sit around and wait for something to happen.
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