As much as I've been trying to think positive about mine and P's current financial situation, I've been feeling a panic all around me. I'm so afraid that I won't be able to continue covering the bills that I am freaking out and that is causing me to get sick. He tells me to not worry, but I can't help it. I'm the one that writes the checks and buys the groceries and pays the bills. How can I not worry? My extra job that helped cover things these last couple of months is not going to be paying me anything near what I was making and while P's income is suppose to start increasing, it isn't happening fast enough. I keep wanting to say, what happened to it only being a hard November? It is January and it is still hard and on top of that I left the holidays get the best of us and we have a great amount charged on my credit cards. I'm able to pay the minimum amounts, but that is not going to pay anything off. So all day long I've been debating, do I call CCCS and see if I'd be better off consolidating my debt again? I had to consolidate my debt when I got out of college and I'm upset that I've let myself get here AGAIN!
So what do I do? I'm not a good actress and I can't hide my feelings and my feelings right now are that I'm scared. I've worked hard and hate that I have this mountain of debt on my shoulders. I've put my loans into forebearance to get the house and I'm suppose to start paying them in May and I won't be able to do that. I'm praying I'll get another forebearance on my loans but I just don't know. I feel like I'm drowning. Ever feel like that?
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